For years I have wanted to start writing a blog but never knew quite where to start. Going back over things that had happened felt long and laborious and passion for some current events felt non-existent!
So I thought I would start writing a blog now that I have made the transition of giving up my flat and am staying with my family. For me it felt a bit like the letting go of the last bit of material ‘ideas’ – you know the three that seem to dominate our lives – house, job and relationship.
Maybe I need to take each one at a time, let’s start with relationship.
Well to be honest my last serious relationship was probably about 7 years ago – yep long time! I’ve met some guys along the way, some lovely, some slightly disastrous, but nothing that I or they would want to take further. Now there could be a numbers of things to analyse about this lack of relationship and believe me I’ve looked at them (from the desperate to the ‘I don’t need a man to make me happy’!)– so no need to bore you with them….let’s just say that I am now comfortable with where I am. Now I would like a partner to share and experience things with, to look out into the world with, to grow with, to laugh with, and to just be. I of course have an idea of what I would like in a partner but believe me, it has nothing to with a fancy car or job! It’s more of a feeling, a connection on some level…no, not a soul mate, as I believe in life there are lots of soul mates, but more along the line of a spiritual companion perhaps.
My life in work has taken me to a number of different jobs but most of them in the PA/Secretary work. Leaving school I didn’t know what I wanted to do so just fell into office work. I’ve worked for some great companies/charities and of course a few disasters along the way! However, I also knew there was something else out there; in one of my latter jobs I remember sitting at my desk thinking this was all bonkers…I was sat in a large concrete box looking at a square box for 7 hours a day! I was aware that this was during the time I was opening up spiritually and training in my therapy work so I guess, for me, that was the end of be being ‘able’ to work in an office again! I did move to another position after this but had to leave due to illness – my body was telling me something. So I made the leap and gave it up, hoping that my client base would increase enough to cover my outgoings. Big leap of faith – felt great when I was connected and very scary when I wasn’t!!!
However, finally I was doing something that I enjoyed, that was for me. Unfortunately my years of self development, feeling trapped and unhappy, training and supporting myself took their toll on my body and emotions and the stress overtook. I found that I didn’t have the energy to push myself anymore, my client base didn’t increase enough and my debt increased. I was determined that I wasn’t going to work in an office again and destroy my soul so I took on some cleaning and that helped a little.
Then I started to realise that I had a passion that was burning inside and that I had been burying for a while. I wanted to get out and about more, know more about myself, meet new people, develop myself further and spend time with spirit more fully than what I was achieving, I wanted if you like, to get rid of the physical understanding that you had to get up, go to work, come home eat and then bed, it didn’t fit with me and for once in my life I wanted my life to be about me. So I decided to take the generous offer of my family and give up my flat and live with them for a bit so I could learn how to play…..
My home had always been my sanctuary, wherever I have lived. I have always managed to create an environment with lovely energy and that was cosy, safe and my space to shut out the world. My last flat was amazing and had a view across the channel from the lounge and a view of the two bridges from my bedroom and the kitchen, plus a great landlord. So you can imagine how hard it was for me to make this decision. It took me 6 months of fighting reality to finally make my decision to leave.
So here I am, living with family in a wonderful room that I have created just as I would if it were a flat or a mansion. A lot of my belongings are in a wonderful storage unit in the country and the rest is creatively squeezed within my space. I am grateful for this space that has been created for me and for my family to have made space in their home and their lives so I can ‘take time out’.
And so begins the next phase of my journey, and I can feel my energy levels increasing already. I have some amazing clients that I enjoy working with, still do some cleaning which keeps me fit and my spiritual work has already increased (more about that later). Now I have head space for my wonderful friends and time for me to just mooch and breath, I love mooching……and of course breathing is good too!
Until next time, with love